just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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