I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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