Porn is love you can see.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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