Where is the hickey?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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