At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have feelings that need drinking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
