if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
