The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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