he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
