Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
