I have demons in me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
