he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
