What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
