see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
