who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
