Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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