So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize