She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
