Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize