Don't worry. I has chaperone.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
