I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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