His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i came on her dog
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize