Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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