I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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