And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
