I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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