The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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