I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
