my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
