He kissed a someone with a penis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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