yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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