i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
