Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just crazy horny about you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
