we have pet lesbian snakes
I just cut my nipple shaving
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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