Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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