we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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