im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
