There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
