well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
