Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize