I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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