We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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