yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
