It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
