you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you never un-have a 4some
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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