You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
