I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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