Cold hands, warm shart.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
