I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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