He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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