No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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