We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
