Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
