Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
