i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
