i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
