very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
