he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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