yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
