the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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