you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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