If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i can't believe i had my finger in that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
