My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
