Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
