Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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