I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize