His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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