I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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