i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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