thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
