I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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