Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize