I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
