Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
