when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
